Interior Conversion of Heart

Historical Background

     The first recorded description of an interior conversion of the heart may be Psalm 51, the Miserere (Latin, mercy or have mercy, and the most famous of the seven Penitential Psalms). Psalm 51, KJV, Bible Gateway; Psalm 51, NABRE, USCCB; NABRE, Note, Psalm 51, USCCB; Penitential Psalms, USCCB. Although other Psalms in the historical Latin Bible, the [Vulgate]  ⁿ¹, have the first-word beginning of Miserere, Psalm [50] ⁿ¹ is so liturgically and musically preeminent it is commonly referred to as Miserere without further qualification, Catholic Encyclopedia: Miserere, New Advent. 

ⁿ¹ Throughout, unless obvious otherwise, brackets indicate a numbering difference.

     The preeminence of Psalm 51 lies within the request of David beyond the usual clean slate from sin, for what is more profound, basically a new heart. Furthermore, I believe it can reasonably be understood to ask for more, a historical blessing we received today through our Lord Jesus Christ, a new heart having the Spirit of God written upon it. Cf. Jeremiah 31:33, Jeremiah, Chapter 31, NABRE, USCCB. Please, read Psalm 51, ibid., so amazing.

     Psalm 51 (or 2 Corinthians 7:8-12, NABRE, USCCB, which also describes the experience, but much less) does not identify it by name. It appears to have occurred sometime before the year 1551, the date the Council Of Trent cited it within the next paragraph (some documents probably already existed).      

     With striking insight, a source demonstrating empirical mastery of the experience with archaic support is, in part: “This conversion of heart is accompanied [sic.] by a salutary pain and sadness which the Fathers called animi cruciatus (affliction of spirit) and compunctio cordis (repentance of heart).²⁴ [Footnote 24 follows:],” 24 Cf. Council Of Trent (1551): DS 1676-1678; 1705; Cf. Roman Catechism, II,V [sic.],4 [sic]. Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraph 1431, in part, and its footnote 24. ⁿ²

ⁿ² The “pain and sadness” in the quotation are noteworthy. However, although it has been quite some time, I do not recall feeling pain, only sadness. I felt broken (or crushed and broken).

     The intention is to have a lasting memory of the sin subject to this experience (or possibly a correction other than sin). Cf. Psalm 51:3[5], KJV, Bible Gateway, [NABRE]; [Psalm 51, NABRE, USCCB]. There may be a tendency, perhaps pervasive, to advise someone to forget and move on. However, this experience often involves serious matters with gratitude for the blessed experience, so to avoid reversion, lifelong introspection and prayer are advisable, mindful of the sin (to be seen). I believe it is A Requirement for those so blessed to have an interior conversion of the heart experience, “For I know my transgressions; my sin is always before me [cross-reference omitted],” Psalm 51:5 of the NABRE, USCCB.

     See also, Paragraphs 1430-1433, Catechism of the Catholic Church; JesusChristSavior.net, St. Paul on Conversion.

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Explanation of My Experience

The Experience, Generally

     Here I am, publicly writing about a blessing for those deserving major correction from God. He knew I would feel obligated, trying to help others and praising Him, e.g., through this writing, revealed through David in Psalm 51:13[15]-15[17], KJV [NABRE], Psalm 51, KJV, Bible Gateway; [Psalm 51, NABRE, USCCB].

     There may be an enhanced understanding of worthiness through my experience, no less unworthiness, notably, A Good Lesson, the hard work required in properly learning the Gospels, as discussed, requiring oh, the most assured lesson of humility (assuring sincerity in belief)! No surprise, I bow prostrate.

     

     As indicated, within an interior conversion of the heart experience, God provides blessings beyond a clean slate from sin, basically a new heart. A radical reorientation of life occurs. However, there always is the freedom to revert through the free will God provides for all humanity.      

     Unfortunately, the miracle of a deep personality correction does not have a lifelong guarantee. Despite it, God protects and comforts a heart capable of eternal gratitude: Again, the intention is to have a lasting memory of the sin subject to this experience, A Requirement (or possibly a correction other than sin). Cf. Psalm 51:3[5], KJV, Bible Gateway, [NABRE]; [Psalm 51, NABRE, USCCB]. Fearing yourself and intensely never wanting to go back leads to all essential self-imposed introspection and prayer throughout and promptly as needed.    

     A key attribute in an interior conversion of heart experience is feeling broken. For me, it seemed best described as crushed and broken. Although with David in Psalm 51, it was his bones that were crushed, with me, it was me, my personality, crushed into oblivion. Consider NABRE, Psalm 51:10[8], USCCB, “crushed” [but cf. KJV, broken.]. 

     All have a conscience, and occasionally it is a need to show concern for others more tangibly. I believe in my case and only a few others, having that conscious awareness, even acting on it, was just not good enough. If God is willing, so-called gentlemen as this can receive the dearest and most certain blessing, enduring this painful yet salutary interior conversion of heart, and so beautiful!        

     It seems a rare few, i.e., a few of a few others, cannot or will not catch on. They probably have serious problems, those very concerning to God, but worse, long-term, even for life. Please forgive me. I was a lifer without God’s blessed correction.    

Unwilling, Long-Term, Upon Accepting The Change That God Required And A Good Lesson, Hard Work Learning The Gospels With Humility, The Experience Occurred

     It reaches back to very early childhood, too young for a reliable memory of reality, for all I know from birth, very troubled, mostly silently. There was always incapability, but more likely, an unwillingness to fully acknowledge the wrong and accept change.            

     It meant no longer existing but living as a different person with a deep part of the personality crushed to oblivion. It was a fixed and secret part of me, defining me ---> From Day One. To remove it was truly unthinkable.      

     However, more was rightfully required, humility and sincere belief, in addition to the change in my unusual circumstance, an inability or unwillingness to acknowledge and accept change. It was hard work humbling a pompous intellectual attitude. To be seen, can you believe it is exasperated with insulting humanly unforgivable delay in learning the Gospels? How outrageous and what nerve? There was Excessive Critical Analysis, out of bounds and out of my league, as if an intellectual in theology! 

     God knew I could not or would not hold the thought of a change from evil for almost six decades. Fighting off any possibility of its conscious awareness, it did not linger in the heart for more than a tenth of a second. Considering how unworthy I was, I will never get over having this experience. It likely lies within something unusual for me to see with meaning, perhaps the subtlety of my apology side notes, believing God was also aware of them, mentioned next.

     Importantly, I have a good reason for believing a significant contributing factor in allowing the blessing was a thorough effort in learning the Gospels, but initially far too aggressive, again, far too critical. Was I humbled! Why was the wise guy’s heart allowed to beat? Oh, so kind, all the time and patience with me! The absolute truth: Let the World know. Some notes eventually lined out warranted an apology and received it through side notes ⁿ³. Again, I bow prostrate.   

ⁿ³ Respectful enough to first consult a trusted friend, all considered, he believed it would be fine if my written notes were within my Bible’s margins. It included all written notes, then the apology side notes later.             

     We know to be broken by God in this way is good, a better condition. Afterward, you realize you are far better, albeit a broken man or woman. Soon you do not feel broken anymore, intensely never wanting to revert. May I repeat, broken by God (notice clinging to, broken, hoping until death)?    

     Fear Of Revering Is Ever-Present. Its memory brought on by daily events, e.g., a required Quick television channel change, provides a prompt self-imposed safeguard of introspection and prayer to avoid reversion. Through introspection as a part of prayer, I often feel assured of not reverting but realizing it is only temporary, with free will applying to all humanity. There is nothing as a miraculous lifelong guarantee of good behavior.    

Conclusion 

       

     The conversion offers love and forgiveness beyond any human capacity known to man, except One. Please, realize that without God, the experience and changes brought about would not occur. I am confident a consensus of our current specialists within the medical profession would agree (and probably already have throughout the world and history). Only God fully knows why some so-called gentlemen like this receive even more blessing of longevity to complete their experience and into a lifestyle that must include grateful self-imposed introspection and prayer throughout, promptly as needed. At least one obligation is trying to help others, e.g., perhaps through this writing, Psalm 51:13[15]-15[17], KJV, [NABRE], ibid.; [Psalm 51, NABRE, USCCB], ibid.

     Also, note what is crucially important, perhaps unnoticed by many and ironic: “Those whom I love, I reprove and chastise,” Revelation 3:19, in part, NABRE, USCCB. See also, Hebrews 12:5-11, NABRE, USCCB; Proverbs 3:11-12 NABRE, USCCB. It is wrong to need discipline from God. However, we should not assume everyone needing it receives it Before They Die. Remember here and elsewhere that it is a blessing to be disciplined by God. 

     Please, see The Top Page Apostle Saint Peter Image, the Apostle Saint Peter Image Footnote, the Addendum — Interior Conversion of Heart, and the Endnotes below.

     May God bless you.     
       

Sincerely in Christ,   /L.S., Frank Lawrence, Sr./

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The Top Page Apostle Saint Peter Image

     The top website page portrait image of the Apostle Saint Peter may be considered a form of interior conversion of the heart. See, e.g., Catechism of the Catholic Church, Par. 1429, and cf. with Par. 1430-1433, and St. Paul on Conversion, Jesus Christ Our Savior.net. 

     For the spiritual background of the portrait, please see Paragraph 1429, id., of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Deeply humbled through repentance is observed in the image.

     Also, consider the importance of humility within prayers in the footnote below.

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Apostle Saint Peter Image Footnote

     The top page Apostle Saint Peter portrait image no doubt represents Apostle Saint Peter’s threefold denials as the Lord previously advised him, finding it hard to believe, denying any association with the Lord Jesus during the time leading to the crucifixion. There is no need for Scripture support that it shattered him but remained rock-solid, as he was, enough to rebound. A salutary lesson on humility is in the portrait and its background. Before God, for example, in our prayers, all should accept that we do not fully know ourselves, contrary to worldly expectations. You and the World will hold yourself to the common cliché that you are the person you say you are.     

     With all the wisdom of the Lord Jesus knowing us and considering St. Peter’s experience, it is reasonable to believe that the Lord does not expect as the world does. I believe He only desires respect for the cliché within prayer, perhaps for a pause or, if appropriate, extended consideration. Always mindful that we do not fully know ourselves, have a humble openness of heart to corrections perceived, listening for God’s guidance. Avoid delay following up on the sensed need for attention to any matter within our representations or otherwise. On humility, a crucial part of prayer, please see Paragraph 2559 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. 

     Please, also see the Addendum — Interior Conversion of Heart and the Endnotes below.     

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Addendum — Interior Conversion of Heart 

     After an interior conversion of heart experience, one will certainly know it. Soon, the pain and sadness will be gone. There probably will be a sense of complete confidence as a new person. Notably, as a possibility in my case, there could even be a sign.    

     Upon completing the experience, I believe a miracle occurred involving sacramental material, although uncertain. It was my friend’s Holy Bible, pages blowing in the wind outdoors on a table as we walked toward to read. It was quite a distance. The pages were blowing hard for a while. When we reached the Bible, it had stopped where my friend intended to begin pointing out. He made his shock clear that a miracle had occurred. Seeing everything, I made a mental note but kept a silent reservation of doubt that it was a miracle.                 

     There had to be over 2,000 pages, with absolute scientific recurrence and near-certain calculation without variables, over one in 1,000. However, with variables, it is uncertain, e.g., although there was no page marker insert, the page previously being pressed upon would be a variable (and I should assume a good possibility it was recently). It may have been something like one in 100-300, but I am unsure and have no way to know.    

     In retrospect, within about one year after the event, I began believing (after a few years, believing firmly but without certainty) that it marked my start, a sign of a job well done. Crucially, is that after many decades, I acknowledged my wrong, submitting to God’s uttermost loving healing within. Also, fully surrendering in belief, especially with humility, I was to keep my mind and eyes open, as I did, for more to follow, as God sure did.                

     I believe my reservation was incorrect, but not wrong. I should retain the individual right of thought, including critical thinking. Factual proofs should remain, but a proper admission must be timely, not the past humanly unforgivable delay fueled and inflamed by pompously excessive critical analysis. I am serious in the primary text above, stating some notes eventually lined out warranted, and received my apology side notes. It has been well past my time to see by accepting and believing matters seen and unseen.      

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Endnotes

Cherish And Reflect On Moments Providing The Sense Of An Experience With God

     (a). Cherish and reflect on moments providing the sense of an experience with God, whether involving prayers or any correction, whatever it may be, within dreams as well.       

     Remember, if you are blessed having them occur, do not be lax about such precious moments. If you can, make the very most of them. I know it seems strange, such an obvious statement. However, after reading a nun’s article, I realize how correct she is. We do not realize how rare the moments are when they occur. It is so ironic, almost unbelievable, how I was lax in the past. Now, I dearly wish I could return and recapture each one of those precious moments (oh no, you are not in shock, but so relaxed and comfortable!).        

     (b). Please see the article on the home page, The Lord’s Prayer: God May Withdraw All His Forgiveness Lacking Strict Forgiveness of Others at the Final Judgment. Although perhaps not currently affected, be ever-mindful. It is not hype, an exaggeration.

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